Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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