Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
