tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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