I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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