is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
