For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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