I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
