Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
