Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
