i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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