it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
