I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
