Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
