we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
