Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
