Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
