You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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