i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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