I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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