Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
