Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
