dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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