I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
