I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
