He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
