I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
