also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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