her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
