you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
