it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
