ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
