I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
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