Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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