filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i think i just lost a toe
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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