Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
