Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
