Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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