Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
