Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
