So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
