I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
