The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
