Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
