so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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