So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
