Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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