so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
