Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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