i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
