Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
