so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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