She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
