mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
