Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
