Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
